How Do I Find My True Self?
Throughout my life, I’ve always wondered “is this who I really am?!”, especially in moments of deep self-loathing and negativity. When I couldn’t control myself – with things like my gluttony, greed, selfishness, judgements, stubbornness, childish behaviours and anger (to name just a few!) – I found myself cycling into self-loathing. I couldn’t accept that this was the way I was, not being able to have any self-control or any discipline or a shred of positivity.
How could this be me?
How can I live like this?
I loved learning about many topics like science, philosophy, religion, truth, politics, art, history. I would learn as a way of trying to understand myself and then better myself. Often, I would read or watch things that would blow my mind wide open, but following those initial feelings, there was never any real change. Just the ecstasy of knowing there was a better way, but not actually being able to become it.
When I was studying Architecture at Curtin University, I was reading a book called The Nature of Order by Christopher Alexander and Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, which spoke about how the past self was an illusion. 1 day, completely out of the blue, the idea of my “self” in my mind completely disappeared. This surge of energy rushed up through my spine, and my heart burst open and my third eye blew right open. In that instant, I became one with the Body and Mind of the Universe and could see true reality!
Ah!!!! This is who I am!!! This infinite and eternal Universe! Everything is God, and God is our Mother and Father!!!.
It was pure ecstasy and bliss. There was only love, and positivity. I saw only God. All the religions made sense, and "I" (consciousness of God) knew everything. I was completely free from the shackles of my past self – I had absolutely no concept of a “self”. This is what enlightenment was!
However, this state of mind only lasted for 2 weeks before that past, old “self” crept back into my mind and I began to doubt what it was I was seeing.
Am I delusional?
Am I crazy?
That doubt eventually consumed me, and my negative, past, old self eclipsed my mind, and that Light within was covered up again.
So how could I find my True Self and live as my True Self? How could I stay there?
It was not until I was handed a brochure for this meditation method that the way became clear. When I opened the brochure and saw the rainbow of the mind world, and how it showed clearly the construct of the false self and that if I just discarded it, I would find that True Self within. It instantly resonated with me and touched my heart. I then and there decided I would need to do this meditation.
