After trying everything to make things work, then realizing that it was not healthy, mentally and physically, to stay in the relationship and that it was affecting how I dealt with my children, I had to make a decision.
Even though I knew in my heart that separating from my partner was the right thing for me, I was overcome by guilt at the thought that I broke up our family. It was crippling.
I was worried about how our kids would cope with the situation, how to best deal with my ex, how to explain the situation to friends and family, and I must admit I was worried about what other people would think.
Sometimes I would get questions from my son about why I left the relationship, and whether we would get back together. I would not know how to answer such questions, and spent many sleepless nights wondering what I could have said to him. I was scared of causing lasting damage to my children.
The first step for me to overcome my guilt was to realise that the cause of my suffering was my mind;
specifically, my concepts about marriage, family and relationships. I had a lot of "pictures" around the perfect family life, such as the fairy tale adage "happily ever after".
Where did these pictures come from? When I meditated on where these concepts came from, I realised is was simply my own programming formed from what I observed my whole life.
I only knew what I had seen, and taken those pictures growing up by watching my family, TV and movies, and also the community around me. The pictures I had of a perfect couple, a perfect family life made me think that I had done a really bad thing; that I broke up my family. This was the cause of my guilt.
I learned to recognise that every single thought I ever had about marriage and family was not the reality; it was made within my mind. I had to see my life from the perspective of the Universe, and I realised that it was all simply false.
The second step was to remove these ideas and concepts from my mind.
I followed the meditation method for discarding my pictures, and naturally the guilt simply fell away. I was able to see that these pictures were not part of the True me, which had been buried deep beneath.
After these two steps, I found I was able to see that the True self is the mind of nature or the mind of the Universe; it has no regrets, and does not live with guilt.
I can accept mistakes I made, learn from them and can move forward with clarity and positivity. The True self sees the situation just as it is, without judgement, and therefore it has wisdom.
Now I feel free within my mind, and I am no longer weighed down by guilt and stress.
I can communicate so much better with people around me. I can answer all questions from my family and kids with wisdom. For that I am very grateful and hope this helps people out there, if there is anyone who struggles to move forward from being burdened by the past mistakes or guilt.
Elizabeth, Brisbane, QLD